Asleep. Cycles.

I'm just listening to Asleep by The Smiths, and i haven't posted a blog in a while and i'm just thinking. I'm thinking about cycles, endless cycles, in my mind it's hard to grasp the concept of infinity, not that it continues forever, but the beginning that was not there. I like the way that, in this generation of artists, people of substance that are praised, i love how much Morrissey affected them so strongly.

It's just that i'm at that age, where things can change my life, not that they can't change it later, it's just that everything has such a big impact on who i become right now. I just want to be proud of my life, you feel this right, the frustration? But back to The Smiths, it just took me back to wallflower, as in the perks of being a wallflower, i think it's a book that speaks to most people and is just wonderful. I must buy one again, i gave mine away as a present. 

I often forget how wonderful music is, how much it can inspire, fill me with the urge to create beauty or at least something i feel proud of.

Off to write my future.

Charlie <3

Kids.

No, not with alcohol or BANGIN tunesss. Parties with pass the parcel, bouncy castles and birthday cakes in the shape of Tigger =]

My aunti and co. went off to London to see the tibetan monks and stuffs, yeah. However my dear cousin already had a previous engagement to attend so off i went to look after him at Robin and Lucy's (twins) birthday party. To be honest, i felt slightly jealous. To be at that age when everything really is that simple. You only cry because you fell over and you're only angry because someone took your toy. You do get what i mean though don't you, after an eternity of wishing you were older you get to the age and think 'I wish i was younger, when everything was simple.'

I think i've just accepted that it's not simple anymore, but just to enjoy everything while i can. What really scares me now is how people are like 'These are the best days of your life.' cause i understand that right now, and for a while to come, i am at my greatest potential. It scares me to death that i'm just wasting that time away.

I was saying this to my friend the other day while trying to explain how i want my life to be. 'Before i die, i'll write a book all about my life. And when someone finishes it i want them to say 'Fuck, that was brilliant.' =]]

Night x

Good day.

Today was a good day, first day of my mocks but i don't know i sort of like having exams, that sounds weird. I don't like the actual exams, i just like the way you come into school at weird times and go whenever, i just like that. I'm never really like there in exams, i guess it's sort of like an out of body experience, i see my hand writing and i know i'm thinking but yeh...

I love when i'm in a group of people and we're mixed up and they don't know me that well, yet obviously i love the opposite as well =] I love people who are just really friendly, i wish i was like that but i'm always scared of rejection.

Yeh today was just a really nice day and i was very happy even though i basically failed english and geography.

LOVE xx

MOCKS MOCKS MOCKS, CRAM CRAM CRAM.

Help. >.<

Abi

Today Abi came over. We had lovely timesss and she also tried to help me with maths, poor soul. I love Abi, special girl, insanely weird but hey i love that =] I got to make her up, she never wears make up, it was fun as i've been wanting to for ages. She has the most flicky eyes ever, eyeliner is impossible on her.

Maths makes me suicidal, >.<

I like snuggling with Abi, she is cosy and loving =] The thing i like most about her is that when i'm with her everything is very easy, nothing pushed and it's all real, blunt and not fake or pretentious. 

Tarrah xx

Procrastination.

I feel if there's one thing in life i'm good at its definitely that. I manage to whittle away hours doing nothing! Alas, so do many people. Do you have that voice inside your head? I'd say these are the main voices in my head while procrastination:

"OMG PANIC YOU HAVE TO DO IT OR YOU WILL FAILLLLL COME ON PLEASEEE"

"Do what, like she has nothing to do JUST CHILL MANNN, peace out."

"It's 2 o'clock, you said you'd start at 12, come on becky just do it already."

"I'll totally do it! I'm just going to this and then i will absolutely do it, promise..."

Normal? Abnormal? Ah well, that has been my head the last few weeks of this holiday. I am my own worst enemy, but then again isn't everyone?

Tomorrow Abi is coming round. Why could she not come round earlier in the holiday when i am less panicky!! She however is amazing at everything and will surely whip my non-revising bum into shape. I also want to force her into allowing me to make her up.

Oh dear Becky, when will you learn...faillll, actual fail. >.<

Out x

Better.

Hi world.

It's not the first time i've started a blog, but lets be hopeful and say i'll stick with it =]

New year, new thoughts? Possibly.

The other day i was on the train and i brought my little notepad with me. I was just really suprised at how much flooded out of me, i remembered how much i used to write. Therefore i've decided, fuck it. Make one darlin' and see how it goes, as it doesn't have to go anywhere if i don't want it to.

I am better, better than i was yesterday. Yesterday was not good. That's all there is to be said.

I hope this gets better. xx